Saturday, 20 June 2015

I just have a bad week sometimes

It's just been a bad week.  Nothing drastic, no big tragedy, but kind of tough.  I'm on week 3 of my new eating plan, its gone OK, but not as well as the first two weeks, so I slap myself.   Work has been crazy, the weather has been shit, and I haven't managed to run, so I slap myself.  I made a call at work that was a tough one, and even though I think it is the right call, the decision making leading up to it wasn't as sound as it could be.  Slap slap slap.  I am so behind on work, SO behind.  SLAP!

I've  noticed I have these bad weeks.  About one in four.  Is it PMT?  I'm not sure.  But I have these weeks where I beat myself so badly, and lose motivation for all that is good.

I'm trying to learn what to do with these weeks.  Do I just ride them out?  Let them be and drift through them (what's a week without running huh?)? Or should I somehow act?  Motivate myself to move no matter what?

Drinking? I am not and I wont.  That my friends is the biggest and best thing of all, no matter how good or bad my week is.


Monday, 8 June 2015

Being kind to myself

Week one of eating and living healthier complete, and I do feel good.  I  know I have a long way to go though, and it's about a lot more than "eating right".  It's about being really, truly kind to myself.  It's about eating right because it makes me feel good, and it's about going to bed early because I know I need that sleep, and that I should prioritise it.  It's about skipping out for that run, not because I feel fat, or "ought" to, but because it is something great and wonderful I can do for me!

I work hard.  Very hard.  I am also very hard on myself.  I see every fault, I know every flaw.  It would be very easy for this next part of my journey to be about me trying to improve myself yet again - but I am going to try hard for it to not be that.  I want to do it because I love myself.  And that my friends, may be the hardest thing to keep consistent of all.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

I don't want to be an addict

Day three into giving up coffee has reminded me very soundly that I do not want to be addicted. To anything.

327 days sober, which is the most important thing - but the last few days of headaches, severe grumpiness, and flu like symptoms, has shown me that I really don't want to filter too much crap through my body at all.  I want to just be free of it all.

A couple of other things that have come to me through the last few days:
  1. Giving up something you are hooked on sucks.  I am reminded to have empathy with people much earlier in their sober journey than me - because alcohol is a damn sight harder to kick (and way more important) than coffee.
  2. I don't concentrate so much on wanting to drink when I am thinking about the good things I want to do for myself.  It works to think about healthy eating and exercise, it's a positive thing - I am not "losing" drinking (or coffee), I am gaining better health.
So on that note my friends, I check out.  Some nice herbal tea, and a cuddle on the couch with my partner. Good night my friends xx

Monday, 1 June 2015

20 Golden Weeks, beginning now

A few weeks ago I went and listened to a guy speak, Jason Shon Bennett.  I'd read his first book, along with some other similar material, and was quite inspired by what I read.  Listening to Jason in person has me even more inspired, so I signed up to one of his programmes (20 Golden Weeks) and am now about to start a new journey for four months at least. 

Today I gave up coffee. I thought I'd be fine, because I have been cutting down for a couple of weeks, but today has been awful!  I feel like shit!  I can't concentrate and have been yelling at my family.  In fact, I can't even writing.  I am only writing now because I have promised myself I will record this journey faithfully.

So forgive the errors, actually don't even read this post if you care about well written work!  I just had to get it down.  Shit.

Days sober: 325